The good, the bad and the ugly...I'm talking playdates...
Before I became a mother I thought life with children would be full of giggles, snuggles, and lots of love with a few hard decisions thrown in. And while it may in fact be that way sometimes, motherhood is more often full of crying (by both child and mother), getting screamed at by your uncontrollable child(ren), constantly saying no and watching in disgust as your child spits in your face. Yes, it has come to that. Kate spit in my face today...intentionally, knowingly, and not-so-lovingly spit in my face. Which made me start to wonder whether or not there is any good that comes from playdates.
The spitting incident happened during a playdate this morning. Actually most of the terrible behavior occurs during playdates. Going back to that pre-motherhood dreaminess; I thought playdates would be heavenly. Kids get new toys and playmates to interact with while moms get to sip drinks and talk about how wonderful life is. Instead kids whine and beg for their mom's attention and don't actually interact at all with their intended playmates. Sigh.
Today's spitting incident got me thinking. Perhaps kids don't really care about toys. They don't need a mountain of them. They don't need new ones. They don't need a group of kids to imagine with. They need their mom and dad. I think that if I hid all the toys in our house and sat myself in the middle of the floor, my girls would be happier than they have ever been. Playdates are not for our children, they are for ourselves. But these playdates don't actually give moms what they need, i.e. time to talk with adults, because our children will do anything to get our attention. They will put on fashion shows and bounce on couches and flip somersaults all so mommy will look their way. Mommies (and daddies!) are so very important. More important than any princess movie, or Seasame street episode or fruit snacks you can find. Now THAT is A LOT of pressure.
Am I going to give up playdates? No way. I think I need to refocus my energies at playdates. I guess I can't expect to fit in much adult conversation. But maybe, if I play my cards right, I'll at least get in a few minutes. Because for now my girls need their mommy way more than I ever realized.
The spitting incident happened during a playdate this morning. Actually most of the terrible behavior occurs during playdates. Going back to that pre-motherhood dreaminess; I thought playdates would be heavenly. Kids get new toys and playmates to interact with while moms get to sip drinks and talk about how wonderful life is. Instead kids whine and beg for their mom's attention and don't actually interact at all with their intended playmates. Sigh.
Today's spitting incident got me thinking. Perhaps kids don't really care about toys. They don't need a mountain of them. They don't need new ones. They don't need a group of kids to imagine with. They need their mom and dad. I think that if I hid all the toys in our house and sat myself in the middle of the floor, my girls would be happier than they have ever been. Playdates are not for our children, they are for ourselves. But these playdates don't actually give moms what they need, i.e. time to talk with adults, because our children will do anything to get our attention. They will put on fashion shows and bounce on couches and flip somersaults all so mommy will look their way. Mommies (and daddies!) are so very important. More important than any princess movie, or Seasame street episode or fruit snacks you can find. Now THAT is A LOT of pressure.
Am I going to give up playdates? No way. I think I need to refocus my energies at playdates. I guess I can't expect to fit in much adult conversation. But maybe, if I play my cards right, I'll at least get in a few minutes. Because for now my girls need their mommy way more than I ever realized.
Comments
BTW--It's also true about the playdates, although Emily is much better than Lincoln. We had one just this morning where Lincoln spent half the time whining or crying about something and we were lucky to get a few short snips of conversation in. I guess if you have reasonable expectations going in you aren't as disappointed if things don't go so well. I'm definitely not giving up on playdates either!