To spank or not to spank
In today's modern world the topic of spanking your child is a difficult one to discuss openly. There seems to be few people who are on the fence on the issue. Either they are vehemently for or against the idea of spanking. If you are willing to share, please tell me your thoughts. Kate is at the age where she seems to know with 100% certainty whether she is doing something she shouldn't. Whether she intentionally takes off running with a fork in hand while you tell her not to, or she runs into the street, etc. Is it best to put her in a time out, assign her to her bedroom, spank her or something else? If you aren't willing to put your thoughts out on my public blog then please email me. I'd like to hear your feelings on the issue.
craft@netins.net
craft@netins.net
Comments
The other day Wendell was continually opening the door to go outside, he would put his hand up to the knob, wait for me to look, then open the door. After about 10 times of telling him "do not open the door" he clearly wasn't following my rules. I told Phil that Wendell wasn't listening and we need a plan B, so for now we've decided not to spank or punish him for this but to just lock the door as Wendell obviously has no self control on the issue. Fortunately, we have some control over the issue since we can lock the door.
Getting back to the question... I've decided that if Wendell runs into the street and I've give him clear instructions that he is not suppose to ahead of time, then we go back inside. If we're inside and he doesn't follow my direction (like stop what he's doing) then he sits in a time out. Recently, I have also decided that I need to make clear instructions prior to the event. For example, we took Wendell to the UNI game and Phil had a little pep talk before the game saying that he (Wendell) needed to sit on our lap and wasn't going to be able to run around. We had to remind him a few times but overall he did good at the game. So next time you go outside (I need to do this too), you might review your expectations and the consequences before you actually go outside.
Back to spanking... I guess, even though I have spanked (and I'm sure I will again), personally, I really don't want to do that. I'd rather teach my child to listen with a timeout then to teach them that it's okay to hit. Whenever I watch the nanny tv shows they take something (toys/tv time) away from the child if they don't follow directions but at this point I don't think Wendell understands that, and there is nothing that he's really attached to (other than his blankie).
One last idea, is to try and reward Kate when she does follow what you request, focus on the positive. I haven't come up with any great rewards for when Wendell does something good; and I'd rather it wasn't food oriented. So ideas for me would be great. I look forward to seeing other people’s responses, as this is a difficult issue, especially with a two year old.
I think it can also depend on the child. I heard Dr. Phil say once that all children have currency. I think that goes for both positive and negative reinforcements. You just have to figure out what the currency is.
As far as negative goes, Jackson really doesn't care if he's spanked so it doesn't work with him but with Leah, even if I just threaten a to spank she obeys immediately. You gotta figure out what works.
...And for positive reinforcements too. We've been potty training Jackson and Leah for quite a while now, trying many different "prizes" for success. When we tried rewarding them with a couple M&Ms for going in the potty chair, they started making huge strides in progress.
I like the positive reinforcement idea but I worry that if I offer M&Ms as a possible reward that I'd eat them all before Kate would do something good to deserve them. :)